


Visitors

by Lokiismylife27



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avenger Loki, Crack, F/M, and a tiny bit of angst, shrink rays, tasertricks - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 07:11:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8480362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokiismylife27/pseuds/Lokiismylife27
Summary: Sif and the Warriors Three come to Midgard to visit Thor. Chaos ensues. Just a cracky little oneshot that I wanted to post, with a side of TaserTricks.





	

The Warriors Four had decided to visit Midgard, since they missed Thor. They were not prepared for the sheer chaos they found in the communal living room of Avengers Tower. “What did Loki do now?” Sif asked Steve warily.

“Loki? Nothing,” Steve said, surprised. “It’s just that Tony invented a shrink ray and gave it to Clint, who was really mad at Thor for eating the last of the ice cream, so Clint shrunk Thor, and then we realized that Tony doesn’t have a way to turn him back.”

“You cannot simply ask Loki to reverse it?” Fandral asked.

“He’s out grocery shopping with Darcy,” Steve said. “And when we called him, he started laughing too hard to speak, and according to the text Darcy sent Natasha, he wants to see this, because, and I quote, ‘This will be perfect blackmail material.’ Clint, Natasha, and JARVIS all have gotten pictures.”

“This is a first,” Volstagg mumbled. “Chaos without Loki being the culprit.”

“That’s just life here,” Steve told him. “If there’s not any chaos, it’s like waiting for a big storm. So far the record for how long we can go without something blowing up or turning into pink bubbles is three days.”

“That’s it!?” Sif asked incredulously.

“Usually it’s three hours; I think three days is a pretty good record,” Steve said.

“Hey Steve, we’re back with the groceries!” Darcy called from the kitchen.

“Did you get the ice cream sandwiches?” Steve asked.

“Of course,” Loki replied, poking his head into the room. “Catch!” He threw a box at Steve, who grinned and opened it. “Want one?” he asked the Warriors Four.

“What are they?” Sif asked.

“Sweets,” Steve said. He opened one, and said, “They’re really good. Do you have ice cream in Asgard?”

“No….” Volstagg said.

“Cap, don’t let Volstagg have any; he’ll eat the entire box and I’ll have to buy more,” Loki called. “Besides, his wife has him on a diet.”

“Okay,” Steve called back. “They’re mine anyways, I was just being polite.”

“Ugh, _polite,_ ” Tony said, coming over and snagging an ice cream sandwich.

Steve rolled his eyes and said, “Not everyone enjoys being as crude as you are, Tony.”

Tony looked mock-horrified and said, “I am hurt, Cap! I can be polite.”

“No you can’t,” everyone in the room besides the Warriors Four chorused.

Tony sulked and went off to eat his ice cream sandwich. Loki came in a minute later with Darcy and asked Steve, “So where’s Thor?”

“Over there with Clint and Natasha,” Steve said.

“Are you going to turn him back to normal?” Sif asked.

Loki looked at her like she was crazy. “Of course not, this is the highlight of my year!” he said. “I’ll turn him back if he’s needed for something, but I’m sure Tony will figure something out before that happens.” He gleefully headed over to Clint and Natasha, who were crouched in front of Mjolnir. Thor was standing on the hammer looking indignant as Clint poked at him. Darcy came up beside Loki and started laughing her ass off. “This is SO going on Facebook,” she cackled gleefully, taking out her phone.

“Must you, Lady Darcy?” Thor asked- more like squeaked.

Loki fell over laughing. “He’s like a talking mouse!” he cackled, as Darcy uploaded a bunch of pictures of Mini-Thor to Facebook and any other site she could think of.

“What is ‘Facebook’?” Sif asked warily.

“It’s a social media website where you can chat with people and upload photos,” Darcy said. “In other words, Mini-Thor will be seen by thousands of people around the world, most of whom will be laughing their asses off like Loki. I’m guessing Coulson and Fury will take it down, but it’ll be fun while it lasts. And one of them will call me to lecture me in three…. Two…. One….” Her phone rang, and she cackled. “Nailed it!” she said, and answered the phone with a cheerful, “Yellow?”

The Warriors Four watched in bewilderment as she said, “Yeah, Tony built a shrink ray, Clint stole it, Thor made him angry, and it all went to pot from there. Oh, and we’ve got Asgardian visitors. No, it’s just Thor’s groupies, so we don’t need to worry about intergalactic incidents if Tony does something stupid again. No, we’re not going to turn Thor back unless there’s something we need him for. Jeez, you’re uptight. Come on, it’s funny! Oh that’s right, you don’t have a sense of humor. Toodles!~” She hung up, cackling, and said, “Well, Fury has his daily migraine, so I feel accomplished.”

Loki held up a hand, and Darcy hi-fived him before asking, “Are you getting off the floor soon?”

Loki rolled his eyes and got up. Darcy smirked and said, “Hey, wanna go annoy Tony?”

“What do you have in mind, minion?” Loki asked, looking gleeful when Thor’s friends gave him appalled looks.

“Well first you should call Tony a minion instead of me, and then…” Darcy thought for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, “Let’s convince him that Coulson is an android who just went Skynet! We’ll get the fun of seeing Tony try to reprogram him!”

“How do we know Coulson’s NOT an android?” Loki asked.

“Clint couldn’t really have sex with him if he was an android; there wouldn’t be any working parts,” Darcy said, causing the Asgardians to choke and Loki to snicker.

“Good point,” Loki said thoughtfully. “Still, I don’t think Tony would try to reprogram Coulson- he’d be more likely to watch the chaos with a look of evil glee that equals ours. Ooh… better idea- let’s turn someone into a puppy and let them loose in the lab!”

“Great!” Darcy said. She looked around. “Any volunteers?”

Everyone started slowly backing away, and Darcy sighed. “Pity,” she said sadly. “Let’s go with Steve, he’d make a great Golden Retriever.”

Steve tried to run for it, but Loki was faster, and turned him into a puppy. Steve promptly fell over, not used to having four legs. It took him a few minutes to figure out how to get up and run around, and then Loki snapped his fingers, sending Puppy Steve to Tony’s lab. Loki smirked, and Darcy glomped him. “What’s the occasion?” Loki asked, hugging back.

“I can’t resist it when you smirk like that,” Darcy purred.

Loki kept smirking as he leaned down and kissed her. She tangled her hands in his hair as she pulled him into a deeper kiss.

As both of them started making downright obscene noises, Clint picked up Thor and motioned the four Asgardians, who gratefully followed him out. When they were far enough away, Sif asked, “Are they courting?”

“Yep,” Clint said. “I swear those two were made for each other. Either that or the universe decided Loki needed an enabler.”

He was somewhat surprised when the Warriors Four looked horrified. “One Loki was bad enough!” Fandral moaned. “He doesn’t NEED an enabler!”

“Just be glad Tony and I haven’t joined in this time,” Clint said. “Steve was right about the chaos- we literally can’t go more than three hours without an explosion or something like that happening. Either that or Darcy and Loki are trolling everyone. That’s actually how they started dating- they thought it would be funny if they made everyone think they were dating, and then feelings got involved, and the next thing we knew, they were dating for real. And having sex A LOT. That reminds me- JARVIS, tell Tony not to disturb them and why.”

“I am afraid it is too late, Agent Barton,” JARVIS said regretfully, as they heard from the living room, “MY EYES! I CAN’T UNSEE!”

“SHUT UP TONY!” Darcy’s voice yelled.

Seconds later, Tony joined the group in the next room, looking faintly horrified. “Can’t they do that in their bedroom?” he moaned.

“You’re one to talk- weren’t you basically molesting Pepper in the living room the other day?” Clint snarked.

“Molesting implies it was non-consensual,” Tony sniffed. “Do you really think I’d do that to Pepper without her permission?”

“Point- she’d murder you, burn the body, and salt the ashes,” Clint said, nodding sagely.

“I begin to understand why Loki refuses to return to Asgard- all of you are as crazy as he is,” Volstagg deadpanned.

“Actually it’s more because all of you are idiots,” Tony said nonchalantly. “I mean really, charging in like a boar instead of strategizing? And the way you ridicule magic users and people with actual intelligence like Loki is just STUPID. Asgard should be called ‘Planet of the Brainless Jocks.”

“Queen Frigga’s intelligent, remember?” Clint asked.

“Yeah, but she’s Vanir, not Asgardian,” Tony said. “Odin never succeeded in brainwashing her completely. Funny, the only person in Asgard with a brain isn’t Asgardian.”

“We are not THAT bad,” Thor sulked from Clint’s shoulder.

“Okay, that does it,” Tony said. He handed Thor to Sif and said, “Make Odin turn him back, because Loki’s busy and I decided my shrink ray doesn’t need to be reversed. And please don’t come back, because Loki hates you.”

“What about me?” Thor asked.

“You’re more of an afterthought,” Clint said bluntly. “Besides, Loki is far more valuable to the team than you are, Mr. Collateral Damage.”

Thor sulked as Tony started herding his friends out, and when they were gone, Clint sighed. “I get why Loki hates them now,” he said. “They jump to conclusions about him all the time, and all of them are wrong. Clearly they don’t really know anything about Loki.”

“Yeah, let’s hope they don’t come back,” Tony said. “Do you think Loki and Darcy are done?”

“They have adjourned to Mr. Friggasson’s bedroom, Sir,” JARVIS said.

“Thank GOD,” Clint said with feeling. Tony nodded in total agreement.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, and I regret NOTHING!


End file.
